Christmas came and went. It was a different feeling, finally spending it at our new home by ourselves. It was quiet. I didn’t realize I’ve gotten used to how my family and I did Christmas until I moved away.
Sure, I’ve spent Christmas away from family a few times before but this year felt different. The first time I away from family during Christmastime was when I worked in Singapore – I spent Christmas with new acquaintances and somehow I ended up at the house of the Philippine ambassador with a traditional Filipino celebration – lots of food and lots of people. The second time I spent Christmas away was when I was in the US for a vacation – that was the year my dad died and I needed to be away with my grief and be distracted with new things. I missed my family then too. The third time was when I finally moved to the U.S. – experiencing a new life and culture, trying to cook for my new found family, my in-laws. It was a busy time.
This year is my fourth, in our new home with just me and Marc and our three cats. My family was in the province where they were experiencing a tropical storm and couldn’t be reached. My sister was celebrating with her husband’s family as its the first Christmas of her first born. We just moved to a neighborhood where we didn’t know anyone yet. It was the first time we’re actually alone, living on our own, trying to come up with our own traditions. I realized how challenging that idea really is – to come up with your own Christmas traditions, to celebrate how YOU want it, to do things all on your own.
What are the things that I missed?
- Office holidays. It’s my second year working over the holidays and I’m still not used to it. I’ve gotten used to the numerous Christmas parties and get togethers that kick off early December – every week there’s at least two I attended. Sure, sometimes the parties were awkward for me but I guess I wasn’t used to not having any at all. Plus, I wasn’t used to not having a long holiday break – we literally only have the 25th and the 31st as a holiday and I went to work for the rest of December.
- Friends. Although I am not a sociable person, I realized how much I missed having dinner and drinks with the very few friends that I actually have. I wonder if they thought about me.
- My mom’s cooking and noche buena preparations. I remember having cooked a ton of food for Christmas but it didn’t feel overwhelming because mom was always around making food, helping out, thinking of the other things I don’t even think about.
- Church. It’s just not the same. I remember how full the pews were during the holiday season back home.. not here. With all the scandals and issues of the Church in the US, a lot of people have turned away. Churches are actually closing because of the lack of parishioners. It’s heartbreaking.
- My dad. He’s always been the guy eager for Christmas. He’d be playing Ray Conniff Christmas songs every morning leading up to Christmas – and then ALL DAY during Christmas. He’d put out the outdoor lights that my mom bought as December rolls in. He’d bust out the Christmas decorations and make us decorate the tree that he just put up. He’d light up fireworks at midnight. He made Christmas fun and memorable and it never really felt the same since he passed away.
I am eternally grateful for everything I’ve experienced this year. Sometimes it was off-putting, realizing how commercialized and over the top Christmas can be here in the U.S. (maybe that will be another post). What I’ve come to realize this holiday season is that enjoying Christmas is really up to you – how you make it your own. Though quiet, I treasure spending the day with my husband, seeing his eyes lit up as he opens presents, being grateful for gifts that I received, feeling loved. Maybe next year we’ll have a tradition or two, who knows? What’s important is you spend time with people you love – those make the best Christmas memories.